Supporting Your Partner After The Birth of Your Baby
The postpartum period refers to the period of time directly after giving birth. For three trimesters, the birthing person’s body has been changing rapidly and nourishing a baby. When the pregnant person doesn’t have excess nutrients, their own sources of nutrients are depleted to pass to the baby. Enormous physical and hormonal changes have happened to get to the point of full-term pregnancy and following birth, your partner's body and brain will undergo a series of even more rapid changes and hormonal drops, while their body transitions to nourish and care for your baby from their body. The birthing person needs care and nourishment. Nourishment for body and soul.
For this reason, the immediate three months is often referred to as the fourth trimester.
Undergoing these amazing physical, hormonal, psychological and emotional changes in themselves would warrant the support from a caring network but now there is also a newborn baby to care for. Your partner and baby need to spend many hours, days and weeks together resting. As your partner's main support person here are some ways that you can help to support them through one of the most challenging times they may have. These are all ways that a postpartum doula can help, too.
Ensure they are well fed and hydrated: The postpartum person is recovering from pregnancy, childbirth and major physical changes. They require nutritious, warm food that is easily digestible and plenty of water, especially if breast/chest-feeding. Ensure there are always snacks and drinks nearby. Meals that can be reheated are helpful as is food that can be easily eaten while holding the baby, i.e. bite-sized, or one-handed food.
Try to ensure the postpartum person is able to take naps without the pressure of having to do tasks that could be attended to be someone else. In order to relieve that pressure, ensure those tasks are taken care of by someone else. The birthing person’s job is to care for their baby and to ensure they are cared for well enough that they are able to care for their baby. It can come as a shock when we realize how demanding and exhausting taking care of a baby and feeding them from your body can be. The mother/birthing person should not be cooking, cleaning or otherwise for the whole family, their fourth trimester can be extremely challenging and draining and resting now will pay off for years to come in health and wellness.
Try to enable the birthing person to sleep as much as they need. Hormones can disrupt sleeping patterns and sleep will be needed outside of the typical circadian rhythm that they would have otherwise been used to.
Do any household tasks: Consider writing up a list of all the tasks that cannot wait to be done at home and ensuring these are kept up.
Spend time listening, talking and connecting to your partner. Find new ways to connect if the old ones aren’t currently accessible.
Take photos of the mother/birthing person with the baby and send those pictures to them and have them printed if they are extra special.
Ways to help take care of the baby:
Babywear. This can be an excellent way for you and your baby to bond and to help ease symptoms of colic and reflux.
Changing the baby’s diaper.
If the baby is bottle-fed, feed the baby, if the baby is breastfed, ensure the mother/birthing person always has a drink available. Nursing is thirsty work and drinking more will help with milk supply.
Wind your baby when necessary.
Changing the baby’s clothing.
Rocking and soothing the baby (consider holding the baby with a well-worn item of clothing of the mother’s/birthing person if the baby is having separation anxiety).
Ensuring that before any trips out, the bag is packed with a spare outfit for the baby, diapers, wipes and diaper bags, milk if expressing or using formula, muslins or burp cloths and light, non-perishable snacks and a drink for the mother.
Prepare formula if using.
Sterilize pump parts if expressing.
Before the birth:
Discuss how you both foresee the distribution of household tasks when the baby arrives and make a plan for it to happen. Babies are exhausting and waiting until you are both sleep-deprived to discuss this might be problematic.
Find out how to use the washing machine to do the laundry.
Find out where everything goes.
Plan and learn how to cook meals that you both like.
